Healing in our relationship

After a decade since my awakening, and moving deeply through my own healing process alongside my incredible wife, Lauren, I’ve begun to realise the deeper dimensions that human beings share beyond the physical form. Through our own relationship, I’ve started to understand how we actually reach these deeper dimensions together and, more importantly, the power of a conscious relationship when two people begin to synchronise energetically, physically, emotionally and, most importantly, spiritually.

When we take the light of our awareness into the subconscious, we begin to journey deeper into our internal world. That world can be full of disconnection, pain, discomfort and loneliness, alongside so much of what we have banished because it hasn’t yet been dealt with or processed. Those past experiences of hurt, abandonment and disconnection don’t simply disappear. They continue to manifest through many of the difficulties we experience within our relationships.

This was evident between Lauren and me when we first got together. There was her endless seeking for a man to fill the void she felt within her life, alongside my own mindless pursuit to try to find some kind of relief from what I was feeling.

Underneath both of these patterns was something much deeper: the disconnection we had both experienced as a result of the disconnected world we were born into.

There is a level of disconnection that most human beings struggle to fully see, yet we recognise its signs everywhere within our relationships. We see it in the resentment that builds, the conversations that are never had and the lack of intimacy that can come to the forefront once the initial romance begins to wear away. We see it in the trust issues that surface, the insecurities reflected through conflict and the pressure relationships come under as they become layered with control, dishonesty and an inability to navigate difficult emotions together.

When we become willing to understand what sits underneath these painful dynamics, however, something begins to change. When we communicate, ask better questions and genuinely learn to understand what we feel, we begin to arrive at much deeper realisations about ourselves and each other. Somewhere along the way, human beings became disconnected, not only from what we feel, but from our ability to feel truly safe with one another.

Scratch beneath the surface of almost any recurring argument or resentment within a relationship and you will usually find deeper wounds underneath it. Yet so often we don’t go deep enough to find the roots. Instead, we continue circling around the same patterns, having different versions of the same arguments and wondering why something within the relationship still feels disconnected.

There can be an enormous amount of love between two people while this is happening. That is perhaps one of the most painful parts.

We can deeply love another human being while simultaneously losing our ability to truly reach them. When a relationship stops going deeper, something can gradually begin to feel as though it is missing, and that sense of lack can slowly turn into distance.

Knowing how to navigate relationships is no easy feat. It has taken Lauren and me a tremendous amount of hard work, honesty and dedication to understand what was really driving us apart. The more we have done that work, the more we have realised just how much pain was sitting within our subconscious, how much disconnection we had experienced and how much grief there was to process.

Yet we discovered something incredibly powerful within that process: the deeper we went, the closer we became.

The more we understood ourselves, the more we could understand each other. The more we learned how to hold ourselves, the more capable we became of holding and loving one another. We also began to recognise that many of the patterns playing out between us did not begin with us. These were patterns that had travelled through families and generations, contributing to separation, broken homes and repeated cycles of disconnection.

Although confronting these patterns together can be incredibly difficult, there is something profoundly liberating about finally seeing them for what they are and deciding that they don’t have to continue through you.

As we’ve taken on the healing of these patterns within our relationship, something incredible has happened. Not only have we fallen deeper in love, but we’ve begun to realise that underneath all of these patterns exists something much deeper: a union that I believe human beings have long lost and forgotten. It is a union with the Divine, with Source, with the greater whole and, ultimately, with God.

When two human beings begin to love each other unconditionally and become willing to work through the wounds that have kept them disconnected, the heart begins to open. They become more cohesive and start learning how to operate together as one unit, not through control or by sacrificing their individuality, but through a shared space of love.

It is a love that can take us beyond our individual suffering and ignorance. It opens us back up to the whole and helps us remember what we share underneath all of the pain, conditioning and disconnection we have accumulated throughout our lives.

This is where I believe conscious relationship becomes something much greater than simply having a successful partnership.

The changes taking place between two people begin to affect everybody who comes into proximity with their relationship. The relationship itself can become a beacon of light and hope within a human collective that is so often surrounded by pain and suffering. The love created between two people begins to extend beyond the boundaries of their own relationship.

When two people come into conscious union, they can begin to work for something greater than themselves. The relationship becomes less about what each person can take from the other and more about what they can create, embody and give back to the world together. Their love becomes a space from which they can serve, create and contribute to something greater.

For me, it is almost like turning on a light bulb within the mind of God and remembering the sacredness of all things, but most importantly, recognising the sacredness of love between two people.

This awakening out of human suffering and ignorance helps us remember the whole. It helps us remember the God within all human beings and allows us to touch the deeper dimensions that sit beneath our unprocessed emotions, waiting to be rediscovered, remembered and activated.

A relationship, then, is not simply a space for two people to love one another and build a life together. It can become sacred ground upon which both people begin to remember something about themselves that they had forgotten. Through loving another person deeply, consciously and courageously, we can begin to rediscover the sacredness that exists within ourselves.

When that deeper dimension becomes self-realised, the possibility of creating a world built upon love moves one step closer to becoming the kind of world I believe, deep down, we all want to live in.

The truth is that when we learn to master our relationships, we are really learning to master ourselves. We understand ourselves more deeply, we begin to understand the reality we are creating, and we recognise the importance of the role we play within this world.

Conscious relationships are therefore not only impactful for the two people within them. Their impact can stretch far beyond the relationship itself, reaching into our families, our children and the generations that follow. Every relationship leaves a footprint upon this Earth, and what we choose to heal today can determine what those who come after us inherit tomorrow.

If there is anything I want you to take away from this blog, it is that there is so much more available to us, not only within our relationships, but within our lives, when we become willing to work together. When we stop treating our relationships like battlegrounds and instead learn how to become a cohesive unit, willing to communicate, heal, understand and love one another more deeply, we begin to discover what is actually possible between two human beings.

Perhaps our relationships were never meant to be places where we simply survive one another, settle into familiarity or repeatedly fight the same battles. Perhaps they can become some of the greatest grounds for our healing and awakening; places where two people choose to meet beneath their wounds, remember the sacredness of love and, through that love, leave something more whole behind for the generations that follow.

Until the next one, much love.

David